His hands close around my wrists, moving them to wrap around his neck, then he grabs my ass, pushing me against his erection.“I need you, babe.So fucking much,” he says before he lets go of me and begins to slowly unbutton my silk shirt, pulling down my bra and exposing my breasts to him.I think he has two speeds—horny or tired.“Seriously, Ben? Oh, those fingers of his…Recognizing what is going on, and what I don’t want to happen, I push his hands off my body, and stand up.I have to get to work.” I turn around, but Ben’s hands grab my waist from behind and pull me back to sit on his lap. As I look down the length of my body trying to smooth my skirt free of wrinkles, and pacify the rapid beating of my heart, I notice that my hands are shaking.Anything.”As I return his embrace, I believe the earnest prayer he’s chanting in my ear, and I believe his words with my whole heart, but even Ben can’t stop the numbness settling around me, settling around my heart. Am I so desensitized to him that I have forgotten how his maple-brown eyes shine like the brightest gemstone when he looks at you straight on?How his gaze is as penetrating as the tip of the needle when it pierces your skin?There’s nothing more sensual than watching your lover’s arousal as it leaves your warmth covered with your body’s reaction to his touch. Connected as we are, I’m overcome by this feeling of wanting to be owned by Ben.
That dimple is taunting me, begging me to kiss it, but I don’t. ” He’s waving his large hand in front of my eyes, trying to get my attention back.Without breaking the kiss, I let go of his neck and unbuckle his belt, unzip his dress pants and pull down his boxer briefs.I take his hard erection in my hand and begin stroking him, feeling the strength of his dick in my fingers.“Enough,” he says roughly as he puts a hand over mine, stopping me.Swallowing hard, I close my eyes as I try to compose myself. Not wanting to draw more attention to us, I open the door and let Ben in. There’s no place in the world where I won’t take you, there’s nothing I won’t do until we have a child to call our own. Looking at my husband now as his lips touch the rim of the coffee mug, I realize how handsome he really is.As soon as he walks through, he enfolds me in an air robbing, soul crushing hug and buries his face in the curve of my neck.“Babe, please…don’t give up. I promise you, Cathy.” Tightening his grip around me and pulling me closer to him, he roughly whispers, “For you I will do anything. The realization that I seem to have forgotten what he looks like, truly looks like, hits me like a running bull in Pamplona.His tongue tangles with mine as I feel his hand sneaking up under my skirt, making its way to my core.When his thumb hooks under the edge of my panties and moves them aside, his middle finger enters me and I break the kiss.When Ben realizes that I’m not moving, he chuckles then grabs me by the hand, pulling me forward and lifting me until I’m straddling his hips.“Babe, I’ve missed you,” he says roughly.As he leans down to nuzzle my neck, I sense some sort of desperation growing within me. I want him to take the lead, make everything go away.RPL…three or more pregnancies that end in misca…”With my arms tightly wrapped around my stomach, I rock back and forth as I try to listen to what she’s saying, her words drifting in and out of my consciousness. Feeling Ben’s strong arm wrap around my shoulders stops the manic rocking, but even his warm embrace can’t help me get rid of this helplessness threatening to take over. I’m talking about parental chromosome testing, blood tests for thrombophilia, thyroid function, ovarian function…if we can identify the cause for RPL, then we can look at treatment options.”“E-Excuse me. Sorry.”The chair makes a horrible screeching sound as I forcefully push it backwards and leave the room, but I don’t care. Sometimes it feels as if I am living with a man who I don’t know.I know I should be paying more attention because she’s explaining to me why I’m not woman enough, why I can’t keep a baby in my body long enough to be able to hold it in my arms, but all I want to do is shake off the cold blanket of numbness that enfolds me. Running to the bathroom, I lock myself inside and stand in front of the sink. Please, let me in,” Ben pleads as he bangs on the door.“Please, Cathy. A man whose face seems familiar but remains a stranger.